Role Model
© M. Alford 1995

Did you ever think that you would see
such a thing in all your life?
A glint-eyed, dirty little girl
grinning at YOU, my friend.
Did you ever think that all your talent
your crazy antics, wet-eyed melodram
all your mystique and glamour
THIS is what would happen?
Did you ever think you would see this face
staring gauntly out through glass
I’M the one mugging now, PAL
This is the baby you made.
This is the brave new tomorrow.
This star-eyed, ghouly-looking
string-haired, dripping
trembling with self-conscious, nervous ecstasy
this ugly thing that LOVES you
Your own face, or rather persona
wrapped around this frumpy non grata
Proudly worn like a T-shirt, self-importance
staring back at YOU, friend.
Aren’t you proud of me? Proud
shocked amazed disgusted awed
do you realize it’s YOU I’m being?
Are you sorry or sad or frightened or glad
did you ever in your life see such a thing?

Haunted House
© M. Alford 1995

I can’t pass the time
Without counting off the space
I can’t smile or frown
Without thinking it’s your face
You’ve been in my head so long
I’m forgetting who I am…

Possessed
Contagious stain spreading
Obsessed
I cannot stop pretending
That I am still a person separate, that I’m still me
That you’re not really walking around inside of me.

I can’t pass a mirror glass
Without checking to make sure
Everyone thinks I’m a conceited ass
And write it off as glamour.
They don’t know it’s ‘cause I’m scared
Next time I look I might not be there.

Possessed
Twin souls unwillingly blending
Obsessed
Don’t want to stop pretending

I thought I could fall in love
Without losing my soul
I wish it was me haunting you instead
I’m half myself anymore.
You’ve got me talking with your stupid voice now
I’m not myself anymore.

Each one of us when we are born
Knows places we have never been
Rooms crammed with memories not ours
And walls to keep them in.
Different smells and sounds and tastes
Different atmospheres within
We spend our years exploring deep
Throughout rooms of the house we’re in.
Bump the stars and turn about
Wander through a garden’s bloom
More scenes than can be seen in life—
--But I’ve reached the end of mine so soon!
I’m still so young, and yet I find
I’ve wandered all the corridors
Retraced my steps and pondered things
Peeked and turned and peeked some more
Gone away and thought a bit--
Missed, and reminisced once more.
I’m far too young to feel this old.
I do not care for life’s-end gloom.
So I thought in the hall just now—
“I guess I’ll just carve out new rooms.”

Author-- The above are three of many poems I was trying to write around the mid 90's. Like most high school poets, I thought no one had ever before thought the "unique" things I was thinking.
"Role Model" is a slightly deranged fan letter to a matinee idol. "Haunted House" is about falling in love, what else? (I was trying to prove I could write a song.) "House of Rooms" came from that feeling all kids have the first time they have to face their own mortality, whether in the form of a friend's death, a 21st birthday, or just graduating high school.